Eph. 5:22-33
One of the great joys of being a Pastor is to be there with people on the real important days… The birth of a child, a baptism, a confirmation, a funeral… But by far the day that garners the most attention and planning and excitement is the wedding day.
Weddings are an exceptional time; everyone is at there absolute best. Hair is immaculately styled, flowers are arranged vibrantly, cummerbunds are suitably cumbered. Man and woman are full of hope and joy and mutual admiration.
I have noticed a bit of a trend, though, which troubles me. I find that couples, and the ladies in particular, tend to want to avoid reading the passage from Ephesians we heard earlier. What usually happens is we’ll read through it in my office, and when we get to “wives submit to your husbands,” the women look very uncomfortable, and the men look too comfortable.
The reason why is that we have a really messed up idea of what the relationship between men and women, and particularly husbands and wives, should be like. This Friday we’ll host the Love and Respect seminar based on the Ephesians text, and we’ll spend a decent amount of time talking about what that submit stuff is all about.
The thing I want to lift out of this section and really focus in on is the idea that the marriage relationship should be parallel and comparable to the relationship that Jesus has with his church. That’s the underlying, unifying theme of this scripture… To understand marriage, and even love in general, you need to look to Christ’s example.
Love as it is portrayed in pop culture is a fickle, conditional, and treacherous thing. You fall in, you fall out, and if you can’t be with the one you love… Well you know the rest.
But that isn’t remotely how Christ loves. You have probably heard the saying that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. There maybe some truth to that statement, but I think it is often taken to mean “you must love yourself MORE than you love anyone else.” That’s Just flat wrong, if we are to take Christ’s example.
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (1 John 3:16 NIV84)”
Is he Lord of the church? Of course. But how does he exercise his Lordship? He leads from the front. Jesus considered your life more important than his. He didn’t have to die… He willingly chose to die so that you could live. He gave up everything because of his love for us. “[The] Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28 NIV84)
Is that the picture of love in your household? Now before you answer too hastily, let me revisit a couple verses. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV84)”
That goes well beyond bringing home a good paycheck or taking out the garbage. Christ gave himself up for the eternal well being of the church. He worked hard to ensure that his bride was spiritually healthy.
This should be a gut-check for anyone of us who claims to love another person, whether romantically or otherwise. Is your first concern their spiritual well being? Are you helping them live a holy and godly life? Are you hindering them from it?
I know I still have room to grow in this area. Sometimes I’m motivated by a desire to cherish and honor my wife. Sometimes, however, I’m motivated by a desire to have everything my way or at least avoid an argument.
But that’s where Jesus’ example of Love is so instructive. He didn’t avoid conflict at all costs. He wasn’t an appeaser. Nor was he a tyrant, barking orders and doing very little himself. Instead, Jesus was the trailblazer – the one who leads from the lead, who engages obstacles head, on and who lays down his life to protect his beloved.
And what is both the biggest challenge and the greatest blessing is this: Jesus loves constantly and unconditionally. On the good days and the bad ones, when I’m lovable and when I’m completely unlovable, He remains faithful.
On your own, this is pretty much impossible. My patience has limits. I can only be so gracious and understanding, and then… Then, I need to be reminded of the way that God loves me.
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love… We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:7-8, 19)”
God calls us to a very high standard of love, but He never asks more of us than He is willing to do for us. He gave his all to win our hearts and souls. With a love like that, how can we keep it to ourselves?
